Latest tour journal…
Salt Lake City: 3-19 to 3-26…
Well, I failed to do my daily journal for this leg of tour (so far). I think it’s because, now, more than ever, touring itself is really starting to get to me. When I was in my LA apartment, I felt restless and out of place. Then as soon as I got to our hotel in Salt Lake, suddenly, I felt at ease. Oddly at ease, and not at home at all, but more at home than I had in my own room in LA. It bothers me that my body and mind are starting to acclimate to being on tour so much that it’s the normal I long for now, and the other places I live are the abbreviated stops. Hopefully that will all change when I get to live in Seattle for a month (May) or when we start rehearsals for next season in June. But even then, we’re only rehearsing for two weeks before next season’s tour officially starts… buh.
I’m really not trying to complain, I absolutely love what I get to do more than I ever thought I could love a job, (slash life goal/dream,) I’m just not comfortable being the person who is always gone.
Right now, I’m sitting in the hotel lobby so I can use the internet and am writing wedding thank you notes while the entirety of the rest of my family is at my uncle’s funeral service. I don’t get to be there to be with them, and I didn’t even have the option to. I found out Kenton was sick when I was in Omaha. I found out how bad it really was when we were in Chicago. I was able to see him on a too-breif visit home between legs of tour, and had to say what I knew was my goodbye because I knew I was going to be gone during the rest of the duration of his life. Finally, I was here in Salt Lake City when I got the call that he had passed away.
I think it is so unfair to my family that I can’t be home for all this. I think it’s so unfair to me that I have to live out the most important pieces of life from across the country, though emails and over the telephone. I feel sorry for my family and I feel sorry for myself. I didn’t even get to set my new life up with Jerry in person. Even that was mostly handled long distance and with faxes and text messages. I’m despondent. I think it’s just all bearing down on me, and I can’t shake the guilt and sorrow I feel that I can’t even be home to bury my uncle with my family. It’s awful, and I hate it.
****
Well, what else is to be said? Most of my time in SLC has been passing by my tendency to go deep inside my head and get consumed by bad news and troubles. In general, we’ve been teaching classes (1-2 a day all over the city) and doing shows. Yesterday, Jacques came out on stage during “bench” at the kids show just to see how we’d react. I react by promptly shitting my pants. Not really, but it caught me totally off guard. We saw “V for Vendetta” one night, David made us all dinner another night, and I sat in bed and stared at the TV most of the other nights.
Last night however, was a show, and afterwards the presenters took us out for a reception at a local restaurant, and it was really, really good. The presenters here are awesome. We’re at the Kingsbury Hall on the University of Utah campus – Monica’s alma mater. Other things I now know, in addition to Chad, Leo and John leaving next season, so is Monica. She’s going back to U of U to get her masters.
Our hotel here is a suites hotel and Becca and I get a two story apartment-like room complete with a kitchen, two bathrooms, and three TVs. It’s pretty great. Everything here is pretty great, (except my mood). The altitude here makes the shows even really hard to get through, (though a good prep for Aspen, which is twice as high up as here…) and yesterday was ridiculous. We had a kids show, then a TV spot on local news, then tech for Traj, then the night show, then the reception. Ugh… it was a marathon.
The TV spot was with a guy named Big Buddha, a local personality. This is just all really disjointed. Becca and I went to the store our second day here and had to carry a ton of groceries all the way back, which was much harder than we both expected. — it’s cause we bought a lot of liquids. They’re heavy. We also worked out 2-3 hours per day our first three days here. We’re both on a health kick and it’s easier to be neurotic about it when someone else matches you. All the groceries did save me a bunch on money on eating out, but I did manage to make it to Chili’s (twice) and to a Hire’s Big H for lunch one day — pretty freaking good stuff there. Hmm… which reminds me, it’s lunch time. I’ma go eat.
Sorry it’s not linear.
Min,
Dont get to down on yourself. Part of setting up life is getting your career settled. It happens from time to time that our lives sort of bottleneck and we find ourselves with a lot on our plate all at once. You getting married, traveling, transitioning from single to married life all sort of happened at once. You cant get down on yourself, for at least from a distance it seems pretty clear that you have handled things really well. People will come and go in life. Its not our pressence at their passing that is important, its that we remember them fondly or otherwise. That we take a moment in our life to remember theirs. You have done that here. You can be a comfort and support from afar. You can reflect on your interactions with people and bookmark in your mind the things that you want to remember forever. I know your family is very proud of you. They understand what you are doing and how important it is. Dont get down on yourself, be uplifted in the reality of the wonderful, strong life your uncle lived.
Hope touring is going well.
Love,
nate
Hi, Minny. Nathan has said this as well as anyone can. Enjoy! Revell in doing what you love while you can. We’ll all always be with you. Love you!